"fuck buddies don't normally do that" *throwback* (J don't read this one)

Ooookayyy.. I've been avoiding him cause I felt myself catching feelings. but friday night... man... damn damn damn
I got there and he had candles lit around his bedroom... and I'm just like "aww..." in my head though... i couldn't say it out loud though... :-/

so anyways... we just chilled for a minute watching that mtv show where people get locked in a room with their ex and the current s/o's watch what happens... i finally got that massage i was supposed to get like 3 weeks ago. It was to make up for the not so great one he gave me when we had car sex.
I was looking back at my old blog entries (i googled and saved them in Word) and I read the one where YP and I first hooked up (9/28)... I'll repost cause I'm still even now amazed at how good he is:

So... Friday night I went with my bff (J) to her friend/lover's apartment. It was supposed to be sort of a party but it was pretty boring for the first couple of hours... until the alcohol and weed got there... we tried playing this game called true colors but we were all pretty gone. So we played truth or dare instead. omg... why did my friend's really cute guy friend get dared to kiss me for 10 seconds... just regular the first time then I got dared to tongue kiss him for 10 seconds... and he's a really good kisser.
So... later that night after I had fallen asleep I woke up because my hand hit something.. I look up and see cute guy friend (ok i'll call him YP) sleeping near me. He offered to share his pillow and went to get a blanket... um.. somehow we ended up fucking til the sun came up hm... I do remember at one point we were in the closet with the door closed.. it was hot (literally!) and dark but it was interesting to just concentrate on the senses of touch and hearing. so yeah, it was really really good. For some reason I didn't think he was gonna be that good.. i mean I've heard a couple of his sex poems but for some reason (maybe cause he's only 19!) I didn't think he was... like that.


oooh... crap my battery power is at 4%.. will write more later. FYI the power cord for the ibook is crap.

Frigid but not Sexless

Am I frigid...? That question randomly popped in my head tonight. Obviously I'm not talking about a low sex drive... I mean when it comes to emotions and sex.


Pronunciation:
\ˈfri-jəd\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Latin frigidus, from frigēre to be cold; akin to Latin frigus frost, cold, Greek rhigos
Date:
1619

1 a: intensely cold b: lacking warmth or ardor : indifferent
2: lacking imaginative qualities : insipid
3 a: abnormally averse to sexual intercourse —used especially of women b: of a female : unable to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse


Maybe it's only because recently I've been kind of anti-relationship, anti-love, but I really haven't been all affectionate lately. I mean... I'd be laying there cuddling after sex and I'd feel awkward. I really only like cuddling with someone I have feelings for... with someone I *want* to have feelings for. But when it's with someone I'm trying (really trying) not to like in that way, I just feel awkward. :(

re: cuddling after sex... what's up with a fwb cuddling like that and doing the forehead kiss? ...and asking about what's on my mind... smmfh@ myself