"fuck buddies don't normally do that" *throwback* (J don't read this one)

Ooookayyy.. I've been avoiding him cause I felt myself catching feelings. but friday night... man... damn damn damn
I got there and he had candles lit around his bedroom... and I'm just like "aww..." in my head though... i couldn't say it out loud though... :-/

so anyways... we just chilled for a minute watching that mtv show where people get locked in a room with their ex and the current s/o's watch what happens... i finally got that massage i was supposed to get like 3 weeks ago. It was to make up for the not so great one he gave me when we had car sex.
I was looking back at my old blog entries (i googled and saved them in Word) and I read the one where YP and I first hooked up (9/28)... I'll repost cause I'm still even now amazed at how good he is:

So... Friday night I went with my bff (J) to her friend/lover's apartment. It was supposed to be sort of a party but it was pretty boring for the first couple of hours... until the alcohol and weed got there... we tried playing this game called true colors but we were all pretty gone. So we played truth or dare instead. omg... why did my friend's really cute guy friend get dared to kiss me for 10 seconds... just regular the first time then I got dared to tongue kiss him for 10 seconds... and he's a really good kisser.
So... later that night after I had fallen asleep I woke up because my hand hit something.. I look up and see cute guy friend (ok i'll call him YP) sleeping near me. He offered to share his pillow and went to get a blanket... um.. somehow we ended up fucking til the sun came up hm... I do remember at one point we were in the closet with the door closed.. it was hot (literally!) and dark but it was interesting to just concentrate on the senses of touch and hearing. so yeah, it was really really good. For some reason I didn't think he was gonna be that good.. i mean I've heard a couple of his sex poems but for some reason (maybe cause he's only 19!) I didn't think he was... like that.


oooh... crap my battery power is at 4%.. will write more later. FYI the power cord for the ibook is crap.

Frigid but not Sexless

Am I frigid...? That question randomly popped in my head tonight. Obviously I'm not talking about a low sex drive... I mean when it comes to emotions and sex.


Pronunciation:
\ˈfri-jəd\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Latin frigidus, from frigēre to be cold; akin to Latin frigus frost, cold, Greek rhigos
Date:
1619

1 a: intensely cold b: lacking warmth or ardor : indifferent
2: lacking imaginative qualities : insipid
3 a: abnormally averse to sexual intercourse —used especially of women b: of a female : unable to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse


Maybe it's only because recently I've been kind of anti-relationship, anti-love, but I really haven't been all affectionate lately. I mean... I'd be laying there cuddling after sex and I'd feel awkward. I really only like cuddling with someone I have feelings for... with someone I *want* to have feelings for. But when it's with someone I'm trying (really trying) not to like in that way, I just feel awkward. :(

re: cuddling after sex... what's up with a fwb cuddling like that and doing the forehead kiss? ...and asking about what's on my mind... smmfh@ myself

"You know I'm No Good" is stuck in my head...

seriously this song...



so anyways... i haven't done it yet but who knows what might happen. I'm chillin with Mr. Business tonight. I told him as friends, but whatever happens happens. The inner slut in me is saying "fuck him... you know you want that big dick up in you.. you know you wanna ride his face again", but the good girl in me is saying "remember you're already cheating and you're only fucking YP now. don't be a whore"

and 4?

Mr. Business... texted me. I think we'd be better as friends. Mostly because there is such a thing as too big if you know what I mean... It's too bad too... he's a really great guy and will make someone a good bf/husband one day

number 3

for the season, that is

right... M... the guy from last winter... J's ex's cousin... right... from new years eve. well he called me last weekend and as tempting as I know his body (read: dick) is, I don't knowingly mess with a guy who's been locked up... especially not right after he gets out. It's not that I think once a guy goes in he's getting assraped daily, it's just... ugh.. I dunno, not appealing to me.
Anyways... we had a (very) brief phone sex session... to be continued?


oh and yeah I never mentioned... J's ex is friends with PR... riiight... so hopefully M keeps his mouth shut.

yessss

finally. me and yp friday night... my car... windows fogged... it was a challenge in a corolla.... makeup on the ceiling, toe prints on the window... hand prints on the dash... wild fun. :)

see.. what happened was... J and I went to Innuendos with her new best friend and on the way home, right when i was texting YP to see what was up with him, PR calls asking what I'm doing.. like "you should come over and let me eat that pussy" i'm sitting there rolling my eyes.. and.... he was in the car with J's ex who wanted her to come over to his place... so PR's like "they're having sex.. you should come over so we can too..." wtf kinda "mr. me too" type of shit is that? smh. I did go to his place but I was texting YP the whole way over there and I ended up changing my mind once I got inside. All I really wanted was the collar to my Halloween costume... but the light in his car wasn't working so I said I'd come back in the daytime. So as soon as I left his place I texted YP that I was giving into temptation. I went and picked him up and we parked on a deserted street and .. well yeah.. I can really say that that's the only time I've truly enjoyed car sex

oh yeah... more about that being his best... yeah my ego was stroked again :). "You really made me like sex.. before I was like 'it's cool, i'll get it whenever' but you..." with a dazed look on his face. I couldn't even come up with a response to that... and I can't even say it's an age thing, because i'm pretty sure he's fucked this one chick who's a couple years older than me (ah.. the things you find out during truth or dare).. or maybe he just got head (?) hm...

i did it

that's all. details later... maybe

I think he might be the best. really. happily, the feeling is mutual :)

I don't think it's gonna happen

I reeeeeally wanted YP tonight but he had plans... sort of.

also today
My non-boyfriend (i'll explain later) was trying to make plans for tonight but I told him we'll have to see. I still might hang out with him... movies or gameworks or something...
Then again I might go to a club with J


non-boyfriend: OK. PR and I have been demoted to "dating". I've decided we don't talk or see each other enough to be considered "in a relationship".

crap & i'm gay

that's the best title i can think of
ok... I keep telling myself I'm gonna write about more than sex... but um.. not tonight

OK.. I've been texting and poking (facebook) with YP tonight... and now I know for sure he wants to fuck again. no doubt about it ("we shoud fuk")... dammit if my parents weren't so strict I'd be.... ok maybe not... i need to OFFICIALLY make up my mind about PR (my bf)
also.. this girl from downlelink... she is so fucking beautiful... not hot, beautiful. well... hot too :D I can't work up the nerve to ask for her number.... :(
another gay thing in my life... I went to a gay club tonight... it was interesting. LMAO... found out my friend's sis used to have a girlfriend... and we saw her (the girlfriend) there tonight... see the problem is... my friend isn't OUT (I'm not either though) so she's like "oh crap don't tell my sis"

these are late night (not drunk) ramblings... I'll edit in the morning... maybe... or afternoon

Being the best someone's ever had

So... I woke up too early because of the time change and was looking at yesterday's text messages and I have to admit my ego has been stroked. YP said "I've never had sex that good". He and D (the ex I was with for almost 5 years off and on) are tied as the best I've ever had (for different reasons). But the thing about YP is... he's so young-still legal though- and already so good. I'd hate (no really LOVE) to see how he is when he's like 25. Dont' get me wrong he's not the first... I've had a few guys tell that I'm the best they've ever had or "you turned me out" and "top five of all time" (from a guy who's been with.... a LOT of women) and I was just laying here thinking about why this is, considering they're all different.

There are two reasons I can think of for this, first, because I truly love sex... no, I truly love penis. (Being bi doesn't detract from my love of the cock either.) I love it because I'm good at it and I'm good at it because I love it.
The other reason is because I find out little things they like. For example this one guy loved thongs, so every time I would see him, I'd wear a thong. Another guy liked my feet, so I'd make sure to always have fresh polish and wear flip flops or sandals when I went to see him (it was in the summer).

I think those are the two real reasons D and YP are tied for "best" for me... they get me.. they do what I like and do it well

Song of the day: "Freaky Girl (remix)" by Gucci Mane f. Lil Kim and Ludacris.. because loving sex and individualizing are good and well, but being a freak who likes it all kinda ways doesn't hurt!

also.. I have a new blog I love that I just found The Real HollyBlue: Reflections of a Consensual Sex Slave. I've been curious about that lifestyle for a while now.

I just may be training him (need a nickname... initials are a nogo) tonight... we'll see. If not, I'm going out with the girls to a club or a strip club. I'd prefer a club though. I don't really like paying to see GUYS take off their clothes. I can see that pretty much anytime I want (with as much variety... lol) and get something after the show. I'd rather go to one with female strippers. Which reminds me... I never followed up in my old blog with details about the first (and only) time me and J went to one. Basically the girls there were either really skinny (nothing to shake!) or butterfaces (with really nice bodies...:) ) I was shy about tipping... I couldn't bring myself to throw money at them like i saw others (including J) doing. I just set the money on the stage or handed it to them when they were done. A girl doing pole tricks in the nude is way hotter than a guy taking off his shirt and hip rolling.

Together Again (wtf?)

So last night I went to a club with J. We had on our costumes... trying to get some use out of them before halloween. Anyways... this bouncer that knows A was there so we got in free no line (the line was wrapped around the corner). So we get there and go downstairs and who do we run into? J's ex and is friend (we knew they were gonna be there) and as we're saying hi to them I feel someone tapping me on my ass. I was getting ready to give someone a death stare when I turn around and see it's my ex/fling from early May. Basically I spent the whole night with him, which I don't mind because J spent the whole night talking to this guy she used to mess with (she later said she only did that cause he kept buying her drinks... play on playa). Anyways at the end of the night I go outside and call her trying to see where she's at. We FINALLY took pics in our costumes outside the club. She ended up going home with her ex (good way to get over T, I guess) and I went with mine while her ex's friend drove her car home.

The drive to his place was... interesting... Seriously, from the time we got in the car his hand was in my panties... and then mine was in there too. (Shout out to the dudes looking in the window when we were driving down Baldwin). So we get to his house and he tells me about his boy and his girlfriend being in town staying there and I'm already like "fuck!" cause i just knew something was gonna mess up the quick sex I wanted. Yep, they were fucking in his bed... so we just fool around in the car for a bit, then drive to a parking lot at some nearby apartments. Yup I got fucked missionary there, rode his face, then rode his dick, then got fucked missionary again. Not bad, not even close to being the best.

oh yeah... now I know why I didn't remember his name a few weeks ago...

"It was somethin' about this dude I couldn't stand
Somethin' that coulda made his ass a real man
Somethin' I wanted, but I never was pushy
the motherfucker never ate my pussy"

the tongue was decent. Had better, had worse. I'm really hoping he can be trained... cause um.. I just don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't please me in bed. :(


oh yeah... to make things a little tricky I've been messaging and thinking about talking to/fucking this guy on facebook and last night, before the club, I basically was inviting him to get at me... flirting about this pic for an orgasm coupon
also I went out with my OTHER (long term) ex before going to the club... nothing special just the movies.... which is where I'm supposedly going today/tonight with my new/old boo. wtf?
oh yes and did I mention the girl I'm talking to off downelink?
Right... this will be an interesting fall.

Let me update

Without going into my entire dating/sex history....
Over the past few weeks... I hooked up with a guy, later found out through a mutual friend that he liked someone else (*sarcasm* yeah dude thanks for being honest), BUT I was still planning on fucking him since I didn't know they were still talking like that (she was there when we hooked up).... Now (as in hours ago) I find out they are talking like that and he REALLY likes her. So now I can either be "the other woman" (hell no!) or find someone else (but the sex was gooood)

I'm really considering just fucking one of the guys I did earlier this year

First of all let me say...

I'm pissed right now. I had to delete my other blog due to privacy issues... (it was no longer anon)

I really miss that blog right now. This may just be something temporary to write in until I find something else. Now I'm thinking I should've just kept it up and said fuck it. stupid silly fear of being judged I guess...